The Unforeseen Passion
by SoMuchLoveInALovelessWorld
Summary: Bernadette discovers she can't have it all.
1. I

**Author's Note: This is a three part story. It's a sequel to "The Betrayal Conundrum", but you don't need to read it in order to understand (unless you want to!)**

**I hate to repeat myself, but I'll say it again: I don't support infidelity. This is just fan fiction, people!**

_Disclaimer: I do not own The Big Bang Theory or any character associated with it, no copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

**January**

"I can't believe we're having this argument!" Bernadette spits, "I don't want to have dinner with your mother again!"

"Fine, fine… I'll go alone then… Sometimes it seems that I'm single!" Howard slams the door and leaves with an angry frown.

They had dinner there two times already this week, that's way too much of Mrs. Wolowitz for her to handle. She sits on the couch, grabs her phone and texts him: _"Can you come here? We had a fight. I'm alone."_ Bernadette presses SEND without hesitation and stares at the screen for a few seconds. The answer is quick, _"I'm on my way."_

Twenty minutes later, he's at her door, wearing his brown jacket and black pants, eyeing her worriedly, "Are you ok?" he enters and hugs her tightly, "Don't cry… Sheldon is here…"

She wipes the tears from her eyes and looks at him, "Thanks for coming… I know it's laundry night and…" he interrupts her with a kiss that sends chills down her spine, grabbing her ass harder against his hips. "Wait… wait… what did you tell to Leonard… and Amy?" The simple mention of her friend's name makes her heart shrink and tighten in her chest.

"I told them I had an emergency at the university," he says while taking his clothes off in a hurry, "Bedroom?"

Bernadette glances at the kitchen counter, grins mischievously and in the blink of an eye, sits on it, peeling her underwear off, "Here, fuck me here…" she opens her legs wider for him.

Sheldon swallows hard, seeming a little confused, but stands in front of her anyway. He unbuttons her blouse with shaky hands while she strokes his hard dick into full erection, "Now, baby, now… we don't have much time…" she whispers into his ear, guiding his cock toward her opening. She tilts her hips forward more and groans breathlessly as he fills her to the hilt then pulls out slowly. She's not wet as usual, but the friction of his shaft against her most sensitive parts is so exquisite, she almost forgets her own name. He tugs her bra down, not taking it off but pulling the green lace lower so her breasts come free and he licks the tiny nipples until they're hard in his mouth. "You're beautiful… so beautiful…" he moans between kisses as she grabs his butt, forcing him further inside her. "Am I? Talk to me… oh… talk…" she begs breathlessly. He slows his thrusts and stares at her face with eyes full of lust and something else… Something she also feels, but refuses to admit it. "You're the only woman who makes me feel like this… when you texted me earlier… I got an erection just thinking about your lips…" Her insides melt at his worlds, the pulse between her legs quickening and she kisses him again, harder, with just an edge of urgency in the gesture. "Baby… oh Sheldon… no one has ever made me wet like you… I'm close… fuck… make me come…" she pants into his shoulder while his hand finds her clit and pinches the hard nub. She almost falls off the counter when her hips buck against him one, two, three times and she comes with a cry, clenching her muscles around his shaft to suck him into her body. He stiffs over her and groans harshly as ecstasy ripples down his soul.

After a minute, he pulls out of her, lifts her up in his arms and carries her to the bathroom, starting the shower for them. She grabs the soap and rubs it in her hands before making a bubbly trail down his chest. They're quiet for several minutes, just washing their bodies, until he asks, "Do you feel better?" She stops scrubbing his back and turns him to face her. "You always make me feel better." When Howard gets back, an hour later, she pretends she's sleeping.

**February**

The Valentine's Day dinner is going really well. They're at a fancy restaurant, the food is great, Raj and Ivette are a great couple to be around. Bernadette is really happy for him, for them. Everything is great, she reminds herself. It's not her fault that at every five minutes her mind wonders about him: what he's doing, what he's wearing, is he kissing her now… She sighs deeply and Raj looks at her with concern "Are you ok? You seem a little distracted tonight." His question brings her back to the table, "I'm fine… just kind of tired… work was hell today," she smiles at her friend, sipping her wine. Howard clasps her hand with his and kisses her cheek, "Poor girl… let's go home… I'll make you a nice hot bath and…" he is interrupted by a beep of the phone in her clutch. She immediately picks it and sees a new text message. From him. Her heart skips a beat as she opens it_, "Back at home. You?"_

"Who is it?" her husband asks between bites of his chocolate cake. "It's from the lab. Excuse me, I have to take this." She stands up and goes to the bathroom with quick steps, closing the door behind her, calling him without delay, "Hi," she whispers.

"Hello. Where are you?"

"I'm still at the restaurant, but I'm going home soon."

"I see…"

She notices that he wants to say something else, but stay quiet for a few seconds. "How was your date?" she speaks softly, hiding her irritation.

"It was good… as you know, we had dinner at her place… then we watched a documentary about Guinea baboons… and I went back home."

"Did you kiss her?" the question leaves her mouth before she can stop it.

"Yes… it's Valentine's Day, Bernadette. Social protocol dictates…"

"Ok… good night." she hangs up angrily, puts the phone on the sink and tries to breathe. She has no right to be mad at him – it would be the most hypocritical thing. Bernadette splashes some water on her face, glancing at the shiny ring on her left hand and exhales slowly. This is a perfect time to end this mess; she knows they're both good people, especially him. She goes back to table with a resigned expression, kisses Howard and smiles at Raj.

xxx

She looks at the table clock again: 2:19 am. After two rounds of mediocre sex, fake orgasms and empty words, sleep eludes her. Bernadette gets out of bed and walks to the kitchen to drink a glass of warm milk. Before she reaches the fridge, a small light blinks on the coffee table. She grabs her phone and reads, _"Please don't be mad at me."_ Her legs tremble a little and she sits on the couch, deciding if she answers it or not. Insistent tears blur her vision while she calls him again. "I'm not mad at you… I'm sorry…" she murmurs.

He sighs, "It's ok… Did I wake you?"

"No, no… I couldn't sleep… we need to talk about… our situation."

"Now?"

"Not now, Sheldon… I mean… I think we should stop seeing each other… at least for a while…"

He clears his throat, "Why? Nobody knows about us… we're not hurting anybody…"

"But eventually we will… It's not fair with them… I'm married, you have a girlfriend… who is, by the way, one of my greatest friends… it's not fair…" she starts crying quietly, "I don't even know exactly WHAT we have…"

"You know what we have, Bernadette."

His statement hits her like a ton of bricks and she stops her sobs instantly. She doesn't need the actual words, but deep inside of her, she knows they're in love. Desperate, mind-blowing, intoxicating kind of love. And for love, she can continue this.

"Are you still there?" he asks after a few moments of silence.

"Yes…"

"So… are we good?"

"Absolutely… I'm sorry… I just miss you…"

"I miss you too," he replies with a tone of voice that seems made only for her.

She glances at the closed bedroom door and slides a finger inside her still sensitive folds, "What are you wearing?"

At first, Bernadette hears him gasp then moan softly, "My Friday jammies… and you?"

"My white short nighty… that one you like… with no panties…" she circles her clit with her thumb.

He groans, "Are you… touching yourself?"

"Yes… I'm so wet… but my fingers are too short… I want yours…" her breath becomes shallow as she listens to the unmistakable sound of his strokes.

"Oh, Bernadette… I wish I was there with you… to feel you squeezing my fingers… I wish… I could lick you… you taste so good…"

"Shit… more… more… I'm almost there…"

"Me too… please Beautiful… come for me… I need to hear it…"

His sweet plea makes her thighs shake and for a moment, her vision goes black as the release washes over her, leaving every fiber of her body tingling. After the earlier failed attempts, this orgasm is so strong that she almost faint. "Sheldon… oh Sheldon…" she pants.

He grunts loudly and then breathes a sigh of relief. "That was… that was…" a huff, "I have to clean up… and change my sheets…"

She chuckles, "It's ok… I have to go back to bed… see you tomorrow?"

"Yes… thank you… for everything."

"Good night, baby."

**March**

Penny and Bernadette are at the mall, sitting at a small table of their favorite coffee shop. She helped her friend to find a great birthday gift for Leonard and ended up with a new dress for herself. "My feet are killing me, Penny. Shopping with you is a real marathon!" she laughs.

"I'm sorry… but I finally found that stupid Green Lantern statue… I should date normal guys again…" Penny jokes.

"Don't talk like that… Leonard is a sweetie… you're a great match."

"I know, I know, I'm just kidding," she grins, "At least I'm not dating Sheldon… imagine how hard it would be to find a gift for him… Amy is crazy!"

Bernadette looks at her mug, sighing tiredly, "Yes… she is."

"I mean, I love him, he's one of my best friends, but… can you imagine dating someone who doesn't touch you?" Penny continues, "And she is so cute and smart! A million of guys would be glad to be with her…"

"I know… but she is happy with him… maybe they'll become physical someday…" she frowns a little, "He kissed her, right?"

Penny puts a cookie in her mouth, "Yes… but it was just a kiss! And she's not that happy… she told me he's acting weird lately… weirder…" she snickers.

Her palms start to sweat, "Really?"

"Yup… she said he's more distant… they barely see each other these days and…"

"Hey, we should go now, right? We still have to buy some bears, vodka…" Bernadette interrupts, reading the small shopping list.

"Ok…" Penny finishes her cappuccino, "Check, please." she calls out, flagging the waiter, ""It's my treat… thanks for coming with me."

"You're welcome, Penny."

xxx

Two days later, the girls and Raj are at 4A decorating the apartment for the surprise party. The living room is full of balloons and the table is adorned with gifts, refreshments and a nice birthday cake. Leonard and Howard are at the movies and should be back in one hour.

"Tell me again why Sheldon is not helping us." Penny asks Amy.

"He said he had to finish a report for Dr. Gablehauser…" she says with an annoyed voice, "Besides, he doesn't like parties."

"I know, but why he had to hide in my apartment?"

"He said we are too noisy." Amy explains.

"Whatever… hey, I need more duct tape… there's a roll at my place… can someone get it?" Penny demands, fixing the table cloth.

"I'll get it." Bernadette exclaims suddenly, "I have to change my shoes anyway…"

She opens the door slowly and sees Sheldon sitting on Penny's couch, notebook in his lap, typing away. "Hi… Penny needs duct tape."

He looks at her and smiles, "Hello," Sheldon closes the notebook, "Lock the door."

She gulps and turns the key. "Come here" he orders.

Bernadette wants to say he's crazy, that she has to go back there or their friends will get suspicious, but her body moves to his without her consent. She sits beside him, staring at his blue eyes and inhaling his clean scent. One of his large hands cups her cheek while the other caresses her breasts through her pink cardigan. She moans softly and chases his mouth with hers, but he pulls back, whispering, "No… I won't kiss your mouth," his fingers gently tap her lips, "I want to kiss you here," and touches her panties.

She groans in anticipation while he kneels on the floor, lifts her skirt and peels her underwear off. He pecks her bare pubic bone, her outer lips and finally her clit. "Sheldon," she whispers, running her fingers through his soft hair. He suckles the little nub, tugging on it with his lips, flicking his tongue over it repeatedly, enjoying her every short gasp. When he inserts his index finger inside her wet opening, she bucks her pelvis against him harder. She presumes he did a lot of research about oral sex, because every time he goes down on her, she comes within minutes. He inserts another finger, pumping roughly, lapping at her dripping slit and goes back to her clit, now scraping his teeth carefully across the delicate skin. She bites her fist as her climax roses up to claim her, wrapping her legs around his neck and calls his name, over and over until her throat feels raw. He kisses her thighs, waiting for her to regain her senses and notice him. "This was satisfying, I suppose…" he smirks, standing up and adjusting his chinos, "You should go back there."

As soon as her breath slows down, she looks at his pants which are in front of her face. His enormous erection is strained against the fabric and when she motions to touch it, he holds her wrist, "I will take care of this," he hands her panties, "Here, put them on… I'm sure Penny is wondering what you are still doing here," she sighs and nods, knowing he's right. Bernadette goes to the cabinet and grabs the duct tape in silence. Before she leaves, she stands on her tiptoes, whispering into his ear, "Can I have my kiss now?" He grins at her and puts his lips on hers softly. It feels so nice, so secure and right, that for a moment she can't remember a time she didn't kiss him. When his tongue slid along the curve of her lower lip, she stops and beams playfully at him, "I have to go."

xxx

Later, at the party, when everybody asks why she is such a good mood, she just smiles and answers, "Because I'm happy."

**April**

Howard is back at the space station during two weeks. She is excited for him to work for NASA again; his career is going really well. But the main reason of her enthusiasm is that now she has more time to spend with Sheldon. It's a relief not to be rushed every time they make love. That's why they booked a chalet for the weekend at Lake Tahoe. She tells her friends she's going to relax in a spa and Sheldon informs that he has a symposium to attend.

She is packing for their mini-trip, when she looks at her hand and sees her wedding ring. A sudden sadness falls over her. This is wrong, her mind screams. Bernadette takes off her ring and places it on the nightstand. Eighteen hours later, they are having dinner in front of a beautiful fireplace, completely naked.

xxx

It's a clouded Sunday morning and she sits by the window, watching the trees as they bend and sweep, drinking a cup of tea. They barely slept since they got there, spending all Saturday talking, laughing, playing games and of course, having sex. Six amazing times, to be exactly: against the wall, bed, floor, bathtub, bed and on the kitchen sink. He told her about his childhood, the disastrous Arctic trip, his hidden desire to have kids; she described her years in Catholic School, the struggle to get her Ph.D., her boring days at the lab. Her body is exhausted, but as soon she glances at him napping on the bed, the familiar desire builds up again.

She approaches him quietly and for a few minutes, just observes his sleeping form. He probably has no idea how handsome he is, she thinks. The sheets are pooled around his waist, the pale skin of his chest marked with scratches, her scratches. She lifts the sheets carefully and sees his penis lying soft on his thigh. Her mouth waters while she climbs on the bed, kissing his hip bone and caressing the thatch of hair under his belly. He stirs, but his eyes don't open. Holding his velvety member on her hand, she licks the tip in circles, stroking him slowly, feeling him grow hard at her calm touch. Suddenly, he moans, "Oh! Bernadette… what…" She smiles at him, "Good morning, Sheldon… I'm sorry I wake you up… go back to sleep…" and puts the entire head on her mouth. His hips rise and fall quickly while he tries to maintain control, "Oh dear Lord!" groaning when she squeeze his balls lightly. She continues for minutes, taking almost his entire length in her mouth and then licking it from top to bottom.

When she tastes the saltiness of his slippery pre-cum on her tongue, she pulls back, takes off her silky robe, straddles his hips and sinks down slowly on his erection with a gasp. He grabs her ass, controlling her movements, pushing her faster and faster against him. She rides him on and on for minutes, then without warning, Sheldon rolls her over, pressing her into the bed and places her ankles on his shoulders. "Oh my God", she grunts as he hits her cervix, sending a wave of pleasure through her body. His pace quickens while he bites her neck, pounding into her tightness, his balls smacking against her with every thrust. "I'm gonna… oh!" he groans, ejaculating in long pulses. Her orgasm is near, she can feel it, so she starts to rub her clit furiously, desperate for release. He slaps her hand away, massaging the hard nub faster until she screams his name and shatters around him.

He lies beside her, gasping for air, running his hands across his face, his hair damp with sweat. "That's a great way… to start the day," he chuckles, hugging her as she places her head on his chest. She isn't a cuddler, but after every time they have sex, she feels the need to hold him tight and never let go. They stay embraced for a long time, quiet, just touching each other delicately. Finally, she asks, "Are you hungry? I can make some toasts…" and when she turns to get off the bed, he pulls her back to face him. "I want to tell you something," he says with a serious expression. Her stomach fills with butterflies, her body tingling with anxiety. "Bernadette… throughout my life I have always been treated like an outcast, like a weirdo without emotions. And those people were right until six months ago… When we had coitus for the first time something… shifted inside me, something I couldn't identify at first, but now I do…" he whispers, looking directly into her eyes, "What I want to say is… I love you."

She is sure her heart stopped for a second. There were the words she always wanted to hear from him, because she is feeling the same way for a long time now. Tears fill her eyes and voice cracks, "I love you too… so, so much…" she kisses him like the world is going to end, nipping at his bottom lip, her tongue darting inside his mouth and dueling with his. When they break the kiss, she is really crying, little sobs racking her body. "Why are you crying… did I offend you?" he questions her, wiping the tears away. "No baby… it's… I just wish things were different…" she whimpers, "I wish we could…" He interrupts her, "Hey… remember what we promised when we got here? This weekend is about us… just US." Bernadette lies flat on her back with knees bent, exhaling slowly. She agrees with him, but the images of her husband and her dear friend Amy haunt her mind incessantly. Sheldon gently caresses her stomach, kissing her breasts and looks at her with puppy eyes. "Let's not ruin our last day… we still have some hours left…" he begs, getting on top of her, brushing the hair from her face. They kiss for countless minutes until he enters her again, making her forget her misery momentarily. Outside, a storm rages on, thundering against the windows.


	2. II

**May**

_"Heavenly wine and roses/ Seems to whisper to her when he smiles…"_ she sings along while sweeping the living room floor. Howard watches her quietly, eating his lunch. "You seem happy today… may I ask why?" he says a little raspy.

Bernadette looks at him with a startled face, "What do you mean?" she knows what he's implying, but asks anyway.

"You've been too much cheerful these days… always singing, dancing… you even took my mother to a pottery class with you … I'm just curious." he clarifies.

Bingo! She can't hide her happiness anymore. Her affair with Sheldon brings her energy, she feels complete, powerful. After they have exchanged the "L" word, everything became even more intense, their encounters replete of passion and loving promises, making her walk on clouds for the rest of the day. She involuntary smiles.

"See? That's what I'm talking about… you stay there, grinning… what's going on?" Howard snaps.

"What? You are crazy Howard… when I'm upset, you complain; when I'm happy, you complain! What do you want me to do?" she yells.

"I want you to be honest with me… we barely talk anymore… you work late almost every night and when you get home, you're too tired… we don't have sex anymore."

"We had sex last week. Why everything is about sex with you?"

He huffs, irritated, "Bernadette, we had sex three weeks ago! How can you not miss sex?"

She gulps. All the atoms in her body want to scream she doesn't miss sex because she's being fucked by his friend on a regular basis. Really fucked. Fucked until she can't take it anymore. Fucked in a way he will never understand. She breathes deeply, glaring at him, "That's enough. You should leave. You're late for your lecture."

He puts his jacket on and reaches the door. Before he opens it, he turns to her with a scowl, "I just miss you," and leaves. She sighs, walking to the bedroom and lies on the blue quilt heavily. Maybe she should tell him about her affair. Divorce him and run away with Sheldon to another city, perhaps another country. Bernadette takes off her glasses and grumbles to herself: life is not a Danielle Steel novel, it's _way_ more complicated. If their friends knew about their secret relationship, her world would be destroyed. She can't lose her friends. She can't lose Howard. He's a good husband to her, a great partner; he doesn't deserve to be cheated on by her and his friend. What she should do now? She ponders about it for a while, when her phone beeps with a new photo message: Sheldon at some sort of toy store holding a tiny Barbie doll in his hand. _"This little lady reminds me of you. The old adage is true: 'Good things come in small packages.' See you tonight."_ She smiles and run her fingers over the small screen.

xxx

A few hours later, she's at Penny's apartment with Amy while the guys are at 4A playing Dungeons & Dragons. Penny made some margaritas and the three girls are a little tipsy.

"I can't believe they're playing that stupid game again!" Penny complains, "It's Saturday night for God's sake! Let's go to a nightclub!"

"Yes!" Amy agrees, rising her glass, "You're right, beastie… I'm not dressed like this for nothing!" she is wearing a cute sparkling red dress and looks beautiful, "Mama wants to have some fun!"

"What do you say, Bernadette?" Penny asks enthusiastically.

"Ok, but… it's still 9:00 p.m.…. isn't a little early?" she has no desire to go out tonight, especially to a crowded place.

"You're right… we finish these margaritas and then we go out…" Penny claps her hands, "I need to dance!"

When the tequila bottle empties, they're too drunk for clubbing and decide to stay in. Penny is lying on the couch, Amy is sitting on a chair with unfocused eyes and Bernadette is sprawled on the floor, laughing about something she can't remember.

"I'm sooooooooo drunk!" Penny wails, "Let's go see the boys… I wanna kiss my hom-unc-ly, homon… Leonard!" she stands up and almost trips on Bernadette.

They reach the 4A with great difficult, opening the door with loud giggles. "Did you miss us?" Amy says huskily.

The four guys look at them with surprised expressions. Leonard is the first to speak, "Wow! Those margaritas were really good…" he jokes, hugging his girlfriend. Amy goes to Sheldon, sits on his lap and gives a little peck on his lips. He recoils quickly and glances at Bernadette, who is standing by the TV, looking slightly annoyed. She fights the urge to punch Amy right in the face and goes to the fridge, grabs a bottle of water, closes her eyes and drinks it in small sips. When she's done, Howard is by her side. "Are you ok?" he asks, combing his fingers through her wavy hair. She sighs and kisses him, wrapping her arms around his neck. After a couple of minutes, he pulls back, smiling at his wife, "That was… great. Wanna go home?" he suggests. She nods and looks briefly at Sheldon. He stares at her indignantly, hands on his knees, face flushed. Two can play this game, her intoxicated brain tells her. Howard starts to say goodbye to his friends, but soon joins a debate with Leonard and Raj about their earlier game. Penny walks to her and discreetly explains, "Hey, Amy is feeling sick. I'll take her to my bathroom… See ya."

Sheldon rises up from the couch, never breaking eye contact with her and mouths, "Bathroom." Her husband continues the discussion with his friends and she pats his arm, whispering into his hear, "I have to go to the toilet. I'll be back soon." Howard grins, kissing her cheek, "Ok."

Stumbling a little, she opens the door and enters the small dim room when a hand grabs her arm and pushes her against the cold wall. She yelps in surprise, her voice carefully held but then his arms surround her, his hold strong as he engulfs her in his embrace and she groans. "Why are you doing this to me?" he fumes, "That's not my fault she kissed me… she is my girlfriend!"

"And Howard is my husband… I can kiss him too!" she argues, looking at his dark blue eyes, "I can fuck him and …" he cuts her off with a searing kiss, lips rough and demanding over her own. She moans into his mouth when she feels his hands grasp her hips, grinding his erection against her. "Don't talk like that… I love you… please," he pants against her neck, while she rubs his dick through his pants. When his hand reaches her panties, a voice outside freeze their movements.

"Bernadette? Are you in there? I have to pee!" Raj whimpers.

They adjust their clothes briskly and Sheldon opens the door. "Hello, Raj. I was helping Bernadette to… "

She interrupts him, turning on the switch, "See? Now it's working…" she eyes Raj nervously, "You need to fix this, Sheldon… Excuse me, Raj…" and leaves the bathroom.

Raj laughs at Sheldon, "That's why I don't drink tequila anymore. The woman can't even turn on the lights!" The tall physicist just nods and goes straight to his bedroom.

**June**

Bernadette is lying on her stomach on the rumpled sheets, reading a paper about a new species of bacteria, when she hears Sheldon leaving the bathroom. He climbs on the bed beside her, still a little wet from his shower. "What are you reading?" he asks while running his hand over her bare buttock.

"Just some boring stuff from work… what time is it?" she answers, shivering at his gentle touch. They're in a cheap motel room outside Los Angeles; one of their favorite places for their encounters. She is sure nobody knows them in Calabasas.

"7:32 p.m.," he replies, glancing at his watch on the nightstand, "Stop reading…" he says, dropping kisses and little bites from her shoulder blades to her ass.

She takes off her glasses, places them on the small table besides the bed and throws the paper on the floor. He kisses her briefly, grabs two pillows, positioning them under her stomach and trails his fingers over her perineum, putting a small pressure on it. "Oh!" she gasps in delight, surprised by her own reaction to his touch on this erogenous zone. He continues his actions, now rubbing a finger on her clit, "This is pleasurable for you?" he asks breathlessly, spreading her juices along her folds. "Yes! Very much… don't stop…" she pleads, burying her face into the mattress. Suddenly, his tongue replaces his fingers, running it from her clit to her anus and back again. As soon as his mouth clamps around her little nub, she feels the first tremors of her upcoming orgasm, clutching at the sheets and making indecipherable noises. She is ready to scream his name, but then he stops. Bernadette turns her head to glare at him, "What? Why did…" He doesn't let her finish her sentence, sinking his full length into her soft, quivering center. "Shit!" she curses, holding the headboard with both hands. He rests his body on her back, using his arms and legs to support his weight while nibbling on her neck, thrusting faster as her walls throb around him. After several minutes, his rhythm becomes erratic, "Say it… say it…" he groans into her ear, plunging harder, with meaning. "I… I love you… oh… I love you," she chokes, enjoying this wild, rough side of him. He explodes inside of her, calling out her name as she follows him, spasming uncontrollably beneath his body.

He pulls out slowly and lies down next to her. Her head is still spinning after the intense orgasm, but she snuggles closer to him, feeling his long arms enclose her tiny frame. "Where did you learn that thing?" she says, smoothing his damp hair.

"What thing?" he asks, staring at the window.

"The… you know…the thing… when you pressed your fingers... down there…" she rambles.

"Oh, on your perineum?" he looks back at her, "I read it in Maxim. The area is usually forgotten during sexual activities, but most women have great reactions when the partner stimulates it." he explains, circling her pink nipple with his thumb.

"I really liked it," she smiles, caressing his chin, "Let's take a shower? We have to leave soon… I have to drop you off at the comic book store before Stuart closes it."

He sighs, hugging her and whispering, "Thank you, Beautiful."

xxx

When she gets home, Howard is sitting on the couch, watching a movie. "Hi." she greets dryly.

He looks at her, turns off the TV, stands up and faces her. "Where were you? Why is your phone off?" his voice carries a hint of anger.

"At the gym… I told you that…" she places her purse on the dinner table.

"Oh, really? Because I went there tonight and the receptionist told me she hasn't seen you in a month… Are you going to a different gym?" he asks sarcastically.

Everything around her stops. Her face goes pale. Her legs tremble. That's it: her life will be ruined. _Their_ life will be ruined. She licks her lips, thinking about a way to escape from this dilemma, but Howard speaks again, "Answer me, Bernie. Now!" he urges her with a red face.

She is ready to vomit the truth when a sudden idea appears in her mind. "The reason I lied to you is because I'm working on a secret experiment…. a brand new formula… We work after hours almost every day to finish the tests," she adjusts her glasses calmly, "Our boss required absolute secrecy. No one at the lab is allowed to talk about it… I'm sorry…"

Her husband stays quiet for moments, searching for signs of dishonesty on her face, but finds none. She is used to lie since she was a little girl. Everyone in her family lies, their lives are built on it. Sometimes she thinks she should be an actress. Howard approaches her slowly, tilting her face up to his, "I'm sorry I mistrusted you…" he hugs her tightly, "Is that… I think we're drifting apart… I want to spend more time with you… I love you…" he mumbles, "Please forgive me, Bernie…"

Bernadette caresses his back with small strokes, whispering, "No… no… you forgive me." she begs, kissing his neck, "Forgive me, Howie." She repeats this over and over, hoping that someday he'd understand that at least this plea was true.

**July**

She looks at the mirror, spreading moisturizer on her sunburned cheeks. They've just got back from a three week vacation in Los Cabos. The trip was really fun; they ate at great restaurants, swam at the ocean, rode bikes and watched the sunset every day. Howard is a really fun man to be around, she muses. They decided to travel in an attempt to fix their marriage and the results are really positive. Tranquility fills her heart while she combs her hair and ties it in a ponytail. She spoke to Sheldon two times while in Mexico, both calls ending with heated arguments. He said that three weeks were a long time for her to be away from Pasadena, that she had no right to leave him like that. She tried to explain her reasons, telling him Howard was suspicious about her long hours away from home, suggesting a little break in their affair, but he just yelled at her. Finally, she called him a big baby and told him to not disturb her again. Things are better this way, she concurs, applying eyeliner. She adores Howard too much to make him suffer. It doesn't matter she dreams about Sheldon every day, asleep or awake. It doesn't matter.

"Honey, it's Penny," her husband hands her the phone, "Apparently she has some big news," he kisses her nape and goes back to the kitchen.

"Hi, Penny! How are you? We're still up for girl's night, right?"

"Of course we are! But I couldn't wait until tonight… Guess who's not a virgin anymore?" Penny exclaims cheerfully.

She drops the eyeliner on the sink, breathing shallowly, "Who?"

"Our little friend Amy Farrah Fowler! That's right! She and the Wackadoodle had sex last night! Can you believe it?"

No, she wants to scream. She closes the bathroom door, leaning on it for several seconds. The earlier calm escapes from her body as she sits on the floor, shaking with a mixture of fury and despair. Calming herself, she replies, "That's good for them."

"What? That's it? Bernadette, this is HUGE! My babies are growing up!" Penny celebrates.

"Yeah, I guess… Penny, I have to go now. See you later." she hangs up and stares at the shower cubicle. They had sex there a lot of times. He said that he loved her, pounding in to her from behind while she braced herself against the tiles. Maybe they're more alike than she thought. Sheldon Cooper is a big fat liar.

xxx

"So… It was good? I want details, girl!" Penny says, pouring a shot of bourbon.

"Well… we were at my place, discussing the new 'Fun with Flags' episode when I kissed him," Amy responds with a glow on her features, "He was unresponsive at first, but I continued the kiss, running my fingers through his hair and…"

"I wanna know about the act… the coitus" Penny jokes, "How was it?"

"At first, it hurt a little… you know… he's all proportional…" Amy blushes, "But as the intercourse progressed, the pain subsided… it was great!" she giggles.

Bernadette observes her friends talking, but says nothing. She reclines on the chair, trying not to cry, as Penny hugs Amy and both girls jump happily. When she lost her virginity, more than a decade ago, she was not amused as the brunette. Maybe because she wasn't in love with the guy, he was just a colleague who was at the right place at the right time. Having sex with someone you love is a totally different experience. She knows that. She tasted this not too long ago with a tall man with giant cerulean eyes. The man she wants to hate now.

"Bernadette… Bernadette!" Amy shouts, "Aren't listen to us?"

She looks at Amy, smiles and steps closer to her, kissing her cheek, "Congratulations. You're a woman now." Amy holds her, and for a moment, she can smell him on her friend.

"Hey, let's get out of here… this pub stinks… I have wine back home… we can watch 'Grease' again!" Penny proposes.

"Oh, I can't… I need some rest, I'm still jet-lagged … and I have to work tomorrow…" Bernadette sighs, placing a 20 dollar bill on the table, "I see you later, girls… good night…" and leaves. Penny and Amy look at each other with confused frowns, but quickly continue their conversation.

When Bernadette reaches the parking lot, her phone rings. It must be Howard asking if she bought his allergy medication, she thinks. She picks it up and answers, without looking at the screen, "Howie, I got it, don't worry…" she speaks, grabbing her car keys and opening the driver's door. "It's me," an annoyed voice responds, "Sheldon".

She sits on the seat, exhaling loudly, "What do you want?"

"Why haven't you called me?"

"Ha-ha. Why I would call you? Oh yes… to congratulate you, right? You finally fucked your girlfriend! She is very happy about it, you know?" she cries out.

"What? She told you?"

"Of course she told us! She's with Penny right now, explaining how big your dick is!"

He pauses and then whispers, "I know you're thinking I did this to get back at you, but it's not like that… I felt really upset about the way you treated me on the phone… and she's my girlfriend… I do care about her…" his voice cracks, "You said that we should take a break… then one thing led to another… Don't you… don't you love me anymore?"

Tears run down her face as she thinks about a reply. She still loves him, she really does, and that's a fact. Probably he's the love of her life. When she is having sex with Howard, she closes her eyes and pretends her husband is him. All the times. Once, she had to bite her tongue to not scream "Sheldon!" when she climaxed. "Of course I love you, baby… but this is too complicated… you know that… we have to be adults about it…" she weeps.

"Can you… can you come over?" he snivels, "I want to talk with you in person …"

"It's late, Sheldon… and what about Leonard?"

"We can go to the rooftop. I have the keys… no one goes up there."

She dwells on thoughts for a while and makes up her mind. "Ok."

xxx

The first thing she sees when she opens the heavy door is Sheldon wrapped in a blanket, with his back to her. He looks so serene, leaning on the parapet, watching the city lights. Her first instinct is to kiss the hairs on the back of his head, but instead, she approaches him quietly, standing beside him and enjoys the beautiful view. "I realize you came here to break up with me." he states looking at the pale moonlight.

She notices that his voice has a cold, unemotional tone, contrasting with the usual tender way he talks to her. This is the same Sheldon she had met years ago, a man who hides his feelings behind a mask of indifference, a man she thought was gone, at least to her. She sighs, licks her lips and says, "I'm afraid we don't have another choice."

He locks eyes with hers, his face so miserable, she wants to cry again, "You're right. You're a married woman and I have a girlfriend. Our relationship has affected my work and my social life," he clears his throat and continues, "We don't have a future anyway."

For a moment, she stays silent, digesting his words. On innumerous times, she fantasied about a possible life with him. They would have three kids and a labrador, celebrate their anniversaries with trips to Paris or Venice, make love at least five times a week and grow old together, thanking the heavens for their good fortune. Now, with an unusual cold wind blowing in her face, those hopes shatter around her like fragile glass. The idea of breaking up came from her, but hearing him accept her proposal so placidly makes her stomach roll. Reality is a bitch, she acknowledges sadly. "Ok… well, it was good while it lasted… Goodbye, Sheldon." she turns to leave, but he touches her arm, gazing at her gloomily. "Can I hug you?" he mumbles, and in this moment she recognizes the Sheldon she loves, _her_ Sheldon.

"Of course…" she agrees, opening her arms to him. He swoops down and scoops her up into an embrace. She inhales his sweet scent, winds her arms around his neck and clings to him, her chest flush against his. Several minutes pass until she opens her eyes, seeing her tears streaming down his shoulder. He puts her down on the floor, eyeing her intensely while she stares at his lips blatantly, before leaning in and kissing him. This kiss lasts so long Bernadette feels light-headed when it finally stops. He pants, caressing her jaw line, her neck, then downwards, cupping her breast. She moans deeply, sneaking her hand inside his pyjama bottoms, stroking his cock steadily. They kiss again, this time with ungodly passion, grinding against each other desperately. Without warning, Sheldon places his blanket on the floor and she lies on it, lifting her dress up and pulls her panties aside as he frees his erection, sliding into her without delay. She gasps, wrapping her legs around his waist, matching her movements with his. It's fast and somehow brutal, but she enjoys it anyway. She can't believe she spent three weeks without him inside of her. When it's over, he gently cleans her up with his robe, not making eye contact. She stands up, grabs her purse and kisses him again, softly. "I love you. Never forget this." she whispers before leaves, concluding that this was their last time together.

**August**

She is looking at cells under the microscope, noting her observations on her chart. It's almost noon, but she doesn't feel hungry at all. Since her last encounter with Sheldon, she lost her appetite completely, eating only small meals along the day. They didn't speak again since that night on the rooftop, only exchanging polite greetings on a couple of occasions. That's for the best, she repeats like a mantra in her head.

"Hey, let's have lunch." Dr. Diaz, her coworker, suggests.

"I'm not hungry, Betty… I'll grab a sandwich later…" she responds, writing in a notebook.

"You have to eat, girl… you're so skinny and…" the woman stops abruptly, "Bernadette! Look!" Betty shouts, pointing at her skirt. When she looks at it, blood runs down her legs and drips onto the floor. Her ears buzz, her vision turning black as she feels her legs weaken. A yellow bolt is the last image that crosses her mind before she passes out.

xxx

She opens her eyes slowly, feeling a dull pain on her abdomen. Her vision starts to focus as she notices a face above her. "Howie? What happened? Where am I?" she asks groggily.

"Shhhh, go back to sleep, everything is fine…" he assures her, caressing her forehead.

Breathing deeply, she looks around, panicking when she realizes she's in a hospital room. "Oh my God! What…" she jerks violently, but Howard holds her down on the bed. "Calm down… calm down… I'm here…" he whispers softly. A nurse comes in and injects some medication into the IV bag. Everything darkens.

xxx

The next time she wakes up, a short man dressed in white stands in front of her. "Good morning, Mrs. Wolowitz. I'm Doctor Lewis. How are you feeling?" he questions, sitting on a chair beside her.

"I'm ok… just a little sore… what happened?" she asks, running her hands across her face.

He clears his throat, "You had a miscarriage. Your colleagues brought you here yesterday after you lost your consciousness at the lab. You suffer from uterine fibroids, a common problem among women of childbearing years. We did a small surgery and removed the tumors, but the fetus didn't make it. I'm sorry."

Bernadette doesn't know how she feels about this. Before she opens her mouth, the Doctor continues, "Your husband informed me you take oral contraceptives regularly, am I correct?" She nods. "As you may know, birth control pills have a failure rate of 2%." he informs her, "The chances of getting pregnant are small, but possible. Do you have any questions?"

She has millions, but one escapes her mouth, "How far was I?"

"About two weeks."

She starts trembling. There's no way to be completely sure, but her heart tells her the baby was his. _Their_s. Dr. Lewis recognizes her anguish and holds her hand, trying to sooth her, "You're a young fertile woman, Mrs. Wolowitz… I'm sure you have plenty of time to conceive…" he stands up, tranquilizing her, "Miscarriages are frequent, spontaneous, natural events; it happen every day, with all sorts of people… And I can assure you the procedure was successful, your uterus will recover fully. I'm going to prescribe you some pain killers and you will be discharged tomorrow. Now, you should rest." he assures her, handing her a pill, "Take this."

"Thank you." she says tiredly, closing her eyes and falling into a dreamless sleep.

xxx

The nurse gave her a sponge bath and changed out her linens. She looks pretty now, lying on the bed with a new nightgown and her hair neatly brushed back. The room is filled with flowers her friends have brought for her: Penny, Leonard, Amy and Raj, in that order. They comforted her about the loss, talking to her for hours, making her feel slightly better. Howard massages her feet slowly, smiling at her, "This is good?"

"Yes… But Howie, you haven't had dinner yet… You must be starving!" she points it out, touching his hand, "I'm ok now… Go to the cafeteria… take some fresh air…"

"Okay. Sheldon is coming, he texted me ten minutes ago… He stays with you until I get back." he says, stepping to the bathroom.

Her mouth goes dry. During the day, she avoided mentioning or thinking about him at all costs. It hurts too much, so much more than the physical pain she has endured. She doesn't know what to say to him, if there is something to say.

_(Howard… Howard… Howard…)_

Her husband opens the door and Sheldon enters the room, standing awkwardly beside his friend. "My deepest condolences, Howard…Bernadette." he speaks softly, looking at the floor.

"Thank you, Sheldon," Howard replies and turns to Bernadette, "Do you want something, honey?"

"No, I'm fine…" she answers quickly.

"I'll be back soon…" Howard says, pecking her lips.

As soon as he leaves, Sheldon closes the door and turns back to her. They stare at each other for a few moments, neither of them making a sound. After a long time, he breaks the silence, "I have one question for you…" he pauses, "It was mine?"

"What are you talking about?" she licks her lips, glancing at the window.

He strides to her bedside, "The baby… it was mine?" he demands.

"I don't know." It's true – there's no way to be sure about this. "You've read Biology books. A woman's body has…"

He sighs and touches her hand softly, "I know, I know… I'm sorry, it's just I was so scared when Penny told me about… about the miscarriage… I'm worried about you. How are you feeling?"

Another question without answer, she figures. Kids were not in her life plan, at least for a foreseeable future. Motherhood is a serious commitment. Once you sign up for the job, there is no looking back. She's no certain she's ready for this huge responsibility yet. And after all, how can you miss something you never really had? However, the loss of the unborn baby engulfs her in a dreary sadness, a numb feeling of emptiness she wasn't expecting. She smiles to everyone, pretends she is taking it well, but deep inside her, she knows she's broken. "Bernadette..." he runs his hand up and down her arm, "I want you to know that I'm here for you… at least as your friend… you're not alone on this. Talk to me."

She starts to cry wondering what she did wrong. God must be punishing her for her adultery, it has to be. First, she loses the man she loves, and then _this_. Karma is real. "Just stay here with me..." she sobs while he sits on the bed, "Please, stay…"

"Ok… I'm not going anywhere…" he whispers, kissing her forehead.

They stay silent for half an hour, and she falls asleep. She dreams about a little boy with big blue eyes and brown hair building a sand castle at some beach. She sits behind him and pulls him onto her lap, cuddling the cute kid. Sheldon joins them and starts writing formulas in the sand. "Daddy, I know this!" the boy points at the letters, "It's Newton's!" Sheldon smiles and caresses his cheek, "That's correct, Robert." The sun starts to set as Sheldon kisses her softly and asks, "Do you want to go back home?" She looks at him and whispers, "I'm at home."

Bernadette wakes up with a start, noticing the sunlight creeping through the curtains. Howard sleeps on the small sofa beside the bed, snoring lightly. The same nurse from yesterday enters the room quietly, careful to not disturb her husband. "Did you sleep well, Mrs. Wolowitz?" she says calmly, straightening her pillow.

"Yes, thank you." she sighs and drinks a glass of water.

"Oh, before I forget, a friend of yours, Dr. Cooper, asked me to give you this…" she pulls out a small folded piece of paper from her pocket and hands it to her, "I'll be back soon with your breakfast."

She opens it slowly, curious and afraid at the same time, _"I meant what I said: You're not alone. My feelings for you haven't changed. I love you, beautiful. Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper."_

For the first time in three days, she feels peaceful.


	3. III

**Author's Note: Thank you for your reviews, favorites and follows!**

**Here is the final chapter of this story. Hope you guys enjoy it!**

* * *

**September**

It's been twenty-two days since she left the hospital. Her life slowly gets back to normal somehow. She goes to work every day, spends time with her friends and family and once in a while, visits the 4A with her husband. In these times, she sits on the brown couch beside Amy, listening to the guys talk about super-heroes, monsters and obscure TV series. They all laugh for hours, play videogames and eat their meals while she fights the urge to hold Sheldon's hand and kiss him on the cheek. She doesn't even miss the sex; she just wants to talk to him, to ask about his day, to hear his calm voice as he explains the complicated Physic theories to her. She misses him as her lover and above it all, as her friend. But for now, they only share rapid glances and small, understanding smiles.

"Bernie… I have something for you…" Howard enters their bedroom, carrying a small box. Since the miscarriage, he's been even more adorable, always giving her gifts and flowers, making her feel like the most loved woman in the world. He doesn't mention the loss of the baby much, only focus his attention to her, to please his wife. This is truly comforting; she realizes as she steps out of the bed and takes the box in her hands.

"Oh Howie… Again? You don't have to…" she smiles, opening her gift, "It's beautiful!" She holds the white gold necklace, observing the heart pendant studded with clear diamonds. "This must have cost a fortune!"

"It was nothing…" he assures, putting the necklace around her neck, "You deserve much more…"She kisses his mouth, drags him to the bed with her and has fifteen minutes of monotonous sex. During the intercourse, Bernadette can't help but compare her husband to her former lover. Howard is always predictable, slightly clumsy and quick like a bunny. He's very sweet, but most of the times, she has to fake her climax. Sheldon, on the other hand, never let her down. He touches her everywhere, exploring her body with firm but gentle caresses that make her shiver from head to toe. Once again, with Howard grunting into her ear as he nears orgasm, she asks herself if she made the right choice.

It's almost night time and they're lying on the sheets in the afterglow, watching TV. "I should give you jewelry more often…" he chuckles, caressing her arm.

"Hey!" she punches his stomach playfully.

"Ouch! I'm sorry…" he kisses her nose, "We should get ready for the banquet. Leonard is gonna kill us if we're late." He gets up and enters the bathroom. She sighs tiredly but soon joins her husband in the shower.

xxx

"You look amazing, girl!" Penny exclaims as she sits at the big table. She's wearing a strapless, long, dark blue dress with silver strappy high heels and her hair is tied in a bun.

"So are you!" she replies, sipping a glass of champagne, "Where's Leonard?"

"Oh, he's somewhere preparing his speech… Can you believe he got tenured? I'm so proud of him!"

She nods, looking around the big hall discreetly. Sheldon should be here already, she thinks. "So, where's Amy?"

"Her flight was delayed due to a storm… She is stuck in New York."

"Oh, I see… Where's Raj and Sheldon?"

"Raj is coming, he texted me a few minutes ago… But Sheldon… I don't know…" Penny says, glancing around, "He came with us… Oh! There he is!"

Bernadette lifts her head slowly, as the tall physicist approaches their table. He looks so handsome in his tuxedo, she wants to jump him right there. "Hello Penny… Good evening, Bernadette" he greets and sits beside Penny.

"You should wear this more often, Sweetie," the actress turns to him smirking, "Those women at that table are practically ogling you!" Sheldon lets out an annoyed huff and rolls his eyes, "Isn't he gorgeous, Bernadette?"

_"You should see him naked."_ is what crosses her mind. Instead, she gulps, looking at him and Penny tensely, "Y…yes. He is."

Four hours late, everybody is having a good time, including her. Leonard's speech was sweet and touching, the dinner was delicious and the drinks kept coming in a continuous stream. Raj and Ivette are dancing, Penny is talking to an older woman about shoes and Leonard must be discussing something amusing with her husband, because both man laugh like hyenas. Sheldon seems a little tipsy, complaining to the waiter about dirty glasses or something. She can't hear it clearly, the music is too loud and her head is a little dizzy from the champagne. Howard holds her hand and she turns to him, "Hey, do you mind if I go with Leonard to the Physics department? He wants to show me a new laser he's been working with. Some of his colleagues are going too. He will take me home later."

"Of course not, Howie."

"Good, good. Are you okay to drive? I can take the car and…"

"I'm fine. I'm only drinking water now. Go see your laser!" she smiles at him and he kisses her for a long minute before leaving. When it stops, she notices Penny grinning at her. "What?" she asks, grabbing a napkin.

"You're so cute together! I'm glad you're happy again…" her eyes water, "After… after you know…"

She hugs Penny tightly, "Hey, today is a celebration day, right? No sad stories…" she assures her.

Penny pulls back, wiping her tears, "Sorry, sorry… I have to go to the ladies room… My mascara must be a mess!"

As soon as her friend leaves, she sees Sheldon staring at her with a scowl. He sits on a chair next to her and whines, "I want to go home. Where's Leonard?"

"He left with Howard and some guys to your department…" she explains, rubbing her sweaty palms together, "Why do you wanna go home? It's still early…"

He sighs and drinks some white wine, "I'm tired, Beaut… Bernadette." he stammers, "My sleep schedule is already messed up."

Her body starts tingling just by the mere thought of him lying on a bed. Bad Bernadette, she argues with herself. His eyes glue on her lips for seconds and she knows for sure they share the same idea. "Where?" she asks bluntly.

When Penny comes back from the bathroom, Raj tells her Sheldon was feeling sick and Bernadette took him home.

xxx

They enter the hotel room quietly, closing the door behind them and intertwine their fingers. He kisses her lovingly, murmuring her name and touches the tip of his nose to hers. "I miss you so much… so much…"

She smiles, feeling so delirious happy they're doing this again. He turns her around, pulling her zipper down as he licks the newly exposed skin. Kneeling on the floor, he takes of her shoes and kisses her bare feet. She breathes deeply, running her fingers through his hair and closing her eyes. His hands slid her panties down her legs and he stares at her sex, drawing one finger closer, just touching her lips. "Sheldon!" she moans, "Take your clothes off… I want to see you too…"

He gives her a lopsided grin and undresses slowly, placing his clothes neatly on a chair. When he's completely naked, she groans unconsciously. He is so hard his cock has a purplish tinge to it, pulsating with each beat of his heart. She walks to the bed, swinging her hips seductively and lies on the mattress with her knees bent and legs wide open. "Stay there." she orders and he obeys, licking his lips, "I want to show you how much I miss you," she says as circling her clit leisurely, spreading her arousal over her folds, "This is what I do when I think of you… Oh… I smell your shirt… that one you left at my place…" her fingers speed up and he stands in front of her, stroking his shaft, "And feel so horny… ahhhh… you smell so good, baby… Shit…" she feels her legs shake with pleasure and then suddenly, he grabs her hand and starts to suck her fingers into his mouth greedily. He looks so desperate, so turned on, she almost comes right then.

Sheldon bends, kisses her clit, flicking his tongue up under the hood to touch the raw nerves, making her hips buck against his face repeatedly. "Sheldon!" she cries out, gripping the sheets until her body is ready to burst in flames. "Come, beautiful, come… come…" he commands with three long fingers pumping her mercilessly. "FUCK!" she screams as her peak hits. He laps up her juices eagerly, as fast as she leaks them, even dipping his tongue into her slit to get at them. When her tremors lessen, he climbs on top of her and positions his tip at her entrance, gazing into her eyes intensely, "I love you." he whispers, pushing into her opening. "Oh my…" she lets out a shaky whimper, feeling her walls stretch around him. His dick feels so big, that for a moment she thinks he will split her in two. She grabs his head, licking his chin, tasting herself on him, making her muscles clench around him harder. He bites her lower lip very lightly before nibbling his way along her jawline then down her neck and along her collar bone as his hand pinches her nipples. He thrusts on and on quickly, rhythmically, until she can't take it anymore. "Baby… baby, I'm close…" she pants, nipping at his neck. He curses and hammers into her faster, grinding his pubic bone against her clit. "Berna… Oh, shit!" he grunts, ejaculating inside her as she follows one second later.

He collapses on top of her, their bodies slick with each other's sweat while she holds him, caressing his back up and down. His penis softens inside her, but neither of them moves to destroy this moment. Several minutes later, he lifts his head, kissing her again, a satisfied smile playing on his lips. "This means that we're back tog…?" he asks after lying beside her.

"Yes." she answers before he can finish.

**October **

"…and then Mrs. Riley's chicken got loose and chased me up the big elm tree in front of our house."

Bernadette laughs loudly, throwing her head against the pillow and continues to combing her fingers through his hair, "I can't believe you ran away from a chicken!"

Sheldon huffs and tries to move away, but she pulls his head into her chest again, "It's not funny!"

"Yes, it is!"

Despite his annoyance, he smiles and starts to suckle on her nipple absently. She sighs, looking around his room. Leonard and Penny went to New Jersey to visit his parents for a week, turning the apartment into a new place for their escapades. They finally realized their fantasy of doing it on his spot, his bed, his shower, even against the bedroom window. Dr. Cooper is a really naughty boy. This thought makes her grip his arms and turn him on his back, swiftly getting on top of him.

"Again? You're going to kill me, Bernadette!" he protests, but grabs her breasts, squeezing the soft flesh.

"Are you complaining?" she pouts, "Let me change your mind…" she bends and hovers over his face before sucking his earlobe between her teeth.

When his hands reach the curve of her hips, his phone rings. She glances at it on the nightstand and reads _"Amy Farrah Fowler"_. "Aren't you going to answer?" she asks slightly irritated.

"No, no…" he places his hand on her nape to draw her closer and kisses her fervidly.

She pulls away, lying beside him, "You better take this… she might get suspicious…"

He makes a face, grabs the phone and speaks coldly, "Hello, Amy."

She looks at the ceiling for minutes, not wanting to hear his conversation with his girlfriend. After several arguments, they've decided to never talk about their respective others; it's a pact. She has a jealous nature and Sheldon is no better than her. They reached this conclusion a few days ago, when he told her about a date night with Amy. She got so insecure and angry, she smashed a plate against the wall.

Sheldon gets up, turning his back to her, his voice rising a bit, "No… As I stated before, I'm not going to this party, Amy... That's enough. Call me again when you regain your senses."

He places the phone on a chair and climbs on the bed, propping himself on his elbow, facing her. "Do you still want to…" he suggests, but she knows the moment is over.

"No. It's late, I have to go." she says while picking up her clothes on the floor, redressing quickly. He just watches her calmly, not saying a word. When her hand touches the doorknob, he finally speaks, "Things could be different, you are aware of that." he stands up, walks to her and tilts her chin up with his hand, "I was not born to deceive, Bernadette… neither do you." She opens her mouth to reply, but he goes on, "We are not those kind of people… We're better than that." She stares at him speechless. Maybe he's not the coward, childish man everybody jokes about. "Just say the word." he whispers before kissing her softly.

xxx

Penny and Bernadette are at 4B, sitting on the couch, drinking wine, talking about their days and waiting for Amy. The girls decided to go to the movies and the brunette is a little late. "Where's she?" Penny asks impatiently, glancing at her watch.

"Did you send her a message?"

"Yes, twenty minutes ago… We're gonna be late…"

Suddenly, the door opens and a disheveled Amy enters the living room. "He broke up with me!" she rages, throwing her purse on the armchair, "He dumped me!"

Bernadette's heart races. She doesn't know what to do. Penny stands up and hugs Amy tightly. "What happened?"

"I was ready to leave when he showed up at my place…" she sobs while Penny hands her a box of tissues, "He said he was not interested in continuing our relationship… that I was a good girlfriend to him, but he was unhappy… Then he told me I deserved someone who could love me the way I needed to be loved…"

"What? Oh my God, Amy! What did you say to him?" Penny exclaims, leading her to sit on the couch.

"I asked him why he was unhappy, that I could change… but he was inflexible… he said I was perfect, but we're over…."

"I'm gonna kill him!" the actress exclaims, "How can he do this to you?"

Amy blows her nose, falling back against the cushions, "The… the worst part was when I asked him if he has ever loved me… he just stood there mute, his face nonchalant … I hate him!"

Bernadette feels torn between a giant happiness and a deep sorrow for her friend. These are surprising news; she is shocked he had the guts to break up with his girlfriend like that. She remembers his resolute expression when he told her he needed just one word from her, a few days ago. Perhaps her silence was enough for him.

An hour later, Amy is calmer, but still cries, eating the vanilla ice cream Penny offered her. "Thanks for stay here with me… I'm sorry I ruined our night…"

"Hey, that's what are friends are for… Are you feeling better?" Penny soothes her, caressing her back.

"Yes. But I want to tell you something…" she looks at Penny and Bernadette, "I… I believe he's seeing someone else."

Bernadette almost drops her glass and Penny snorts, "Sweetie, I know you're upset, but Sheldon is not having an affair… He's not like that…"

"No… no, listen… On a few occasions, I have smelled a different scent on him… a perfume… He doesn't wear perfume, Penny!" she explains, putting the bowl on the table.

Penny looks at Bernadette and back at Amy, "Maybe… maybe he's trying something new… Besides, where he'd find another woman?"

"It could be a grad student or… some colleague… What do you think, Bernadette?"

She sighs, running her fingers through her hair, "I don't know, Amy… I agree with Penny, he's not like that…"

The brunette exhales and takes a huge sip of wine, "Ok… It's that I'm so angry at him… I can't believe I gave him my virginity…"

Penny hugs her again and both girls complain about men in general for minutes. Bernadette just watches them, imagining how this unexpected turn of events will affect their lives.

xxx

"I don't think you'll find anything, Penny." Bernadette explains from inside the bathroom as the actress searches for a new outfit for Stuart's Halloween party. Nevertheless, Penny continues her exploration inside Bernadette's closet. "My clothes are too small for you."

"No, no… Where's that black skirt?" Penny says and grabs a large box, opening it, "I think it'll fit and…" she stops talking when she grabs what is inside. "Bernadette… what is this?"

She enters the closet and her legs buckle in shock. Penny is holding a green T-shirt in her hands, staring at her with a dumbfounded expression. Shit has finally hit the fan.

"I… this… well… it's Howard's… and…" she stammers while Penny stands up.

"No. I bought this shirt for Sheldon one year ago. Why is it in here?" Penny starts to tremble, "Wait… you two… Oh my God!"

"Penny… it's not what you're thinking… listen to me…" Bernadette follows the blonde to the bedroom, "I…"

"Bernadette! I can't believe this! Are you fucking Sheldon?" Penny cries out, pacing the room furiously, "How can you do this to Amy? And to Howard?"

No more lies, that's the moment of true. She's too tired of this, the subterfuges, the dishonesty and the hotel rooms. "Ok… Let me explain." she sits on the bed and Penny joins her reluctantly.

Bernadette tells her everything. Penny doesn't speak, just stares at her with eyes full of disappointment. When she finishes her confession, the actress ponders for a while, breathes deeply and asks her, "Do you love him?"

She swallows hard, somehow relieved she can say it aloud to someone else, "Yes. I do."

Penny furrows her eyebrows, seeming even more confused, "Does… he love you?"

She nods as tears run down her face, "I didn't want to hurt anybody, Penny… Things happened… and we're in love…I can't take this anymore… I don't know what to do…"

"Look, I don't approve what you did, but I'm not gonna judge you…" Penny replies, holding her hand, "I'm your friend. I'll support any decision you make… Can I give you an advice?"

"Sure."

"Be honest with Howard. He's a good guy, he deserves the truth, however bad it is. Besides, if you're really in love, you should at least try to be together… Life is too short, Bernadette."

She smiles and places her head on Penny's shoulder, sobbing softly, "Thank you, Penny. You're a good friend."

**November**

Once again, she is alone in her office after everybody has left. Work is her escape during those days; she is avoiding Howard at all costs. Guilty surrounds her when she is around him, especially when he buys her gifts or looks at her in that lovingly way he always does. She tried to follow Penny's advice to tell him the truth, but failed miserably on every occasion. Her husband is a good man, he'll be devastated if she exposes her betrayal. When she stands up to get another petri dish, she hears the nine soft knocks on her door. Her heart jumps as she opens it and sees Sheldon standing there with an excited expression.

"I suspected you'd be here… Can I come in?"

She smiles and he enters the small room, immediately pinning her against the wall, kissing her until her toes curl. Panting heavily, she breaks the kiss and looks down at his pants, rubbing the bulge gently before asks with a grin, "Couch?"

He holds her arm, bringing her hand to his lips, pecking each finger softly, "I have some news to tell you, beautiful."

They sit on the couch and he starts, "Early this morning, I was invited to work at CERN's Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland… and I said yes."

Blood pounds in her ears as her mouth goes dry, "T… that's great for you…" she stammers, looking at her hands, "For how long?"

"At least two years."

She is paralyzed for a few moments until he speaks again, "This is a turning point in my career; I've dreamed about this since I was a teenager… Also, I did some research and found out great Microbiology labs around Geneva…" he pauses, looking directly at her eyes, "I want to know if… if you're willing to move to Europe with me."

Of course I want, she wants to scream. The old fantasies flash in her head as she envisions their lives in another country: the smell of chocolates, the snow falling slowly over Geneva and most importantly, she imagines them walking down the crowded streets, hand in hand, without caring about anyone but them. She sighs deeply when Howard appears in her mind, making her face the cold reality again. "I can't, Sheldon…" she says, avoiding his gaze.

He stands up, pacing the room swiftly, with his hands clasped behind him. "Why not?" he asks in an angry whisper, "You are the one who said Pasadena was becoming unbearable, that you needed big changes in your life…" he glares at her, "You said you're going to terminate your marriage."

"I know… but I need more time…" she looks up at him apprehensively, "I can't just drop the bomb and leave… He doesn't deserve that…"

"Bernadette… I've been very patient about our relationship… about your fears of hurting Wolowitz…" he stares through the window, "My life here is insufferable, with Amy constantly asking me to get back together, Penny's disapproving glances and your refusal to take us seriously."

"What? Sheldon, it's not that simple… I got a lot to lose and…"

"Lose? Am I that worthless to you?" he interrupts her, his face red with irritation, "I'm just a tool you use to obtain sexual pleasure? A boy toy that satisfies you when your husband can't fulfill your needs?"

She gets up quickly and hugs him tightly, "Of course not…" she lifts her head to face him, "I love you… You're my man… but life is not that simple, baby... Just give me more time… When are you leaving?"

He lets go of her embrace, leaning against the wall, his eyes tired and teary, "In two weeks." he answers and they stay silent for a couple of minutes until he steps closer to her, clasping her hands in his, "May I ask you something?"

A sense of déjà vu sends a shiver up her spine. "Yes."

"Can you consider a future between us? Please, answer me honestly."

A long silence fills the room until she replies, "I do. But not now."

He exhales disappointedly, like he always does around people who frustrate him. "Alright. But until you decide your priorities, do not disturb me again."

He exits the office before she can say anything.

xxx

She is lying on her bed alone, struggling to not put some clothes on and go to 4A. Her husband and all her friends are there, at Sheldon's going away party. She faked a migraine and told Howard she couldn't leave their house. Despite her failed efforts to contact Sheldon for the last several days, her feelings for him didn't change a bit. Watching him leave will certainly break her heart even more.

With a grunt, she gets up and walks to the bathroom when an idea comes to her. She sits in front of the computer, inserts a pen drive and enters her password. A smile appears on her lips when she clicks on the icon. The video starts with her sitting on a bed grinning at the camera, while Sheldon caresses her head with one hand. He films her as she strokes his shaft briefly before sucks on the rigid flash. A soft groan can be heard and she smiles with him on her mouth. Bernadette watches this and other six videos, touching herself until she almost passes out with exhaustion, resigned to the fact she'll only have him in her memories for now on.

**December**

She drinks the eggnog slowly, flinching at the strong taste. After a quick visit to her parents, she is at Leonard's Christmas Eve party with her friends. Looking around the living room, she realizes that everything has changed, but somehow continues the same. Sheldon is mentioned all the time, like he's still living there; sometimes she stares at the door and waits for him to come and tells her he has never left. She is doing this again when Penny sits beside her and whispers, "You're thinking about him, right?"

"Yes… I am…" she murmurs, looking down.

Penny hugs her, kissing her cheek, "Then maybe you should come with me…"

The actress stands up and informs her boyfriend she will go to her place with Bernadette to get some wine. Leonard nods and goes back to the Halo battle with Stuart.

Once inside the 4B, Bernadette frowns at her friend while Penny opens a cupboard drawer and hands her an envelope. "I got this yesterday. It's for you."

"What is this?" she opens it with trembling hands and reads a small note, _"To quote Françoise Sagan: 'I have loved to the point of madness; that which is called madness, that which to me is the only sensible way to love.' I can wait. I will wait. Dr. Sheldon Cooper."_

She sits on the couch slowly, breathing deeply and looks at Penny, who has a reassuring smile on her face. "He sent this to my apartment for obvious reasons... Come on, reads the other…"

Bernadette stops listening to her friend as she pulls out a plane ticket. A one-way ticket to Geneva. She traces a finger over the paper, sighing with a mixture of relief and happiness. He's still ready to give a shot at their relationship, she muses. And for the first time, she believes she is ready too. Clearing her throat, she asks, "What do you think?"

Penny licks her lips and replies, "Look, I know he's a crazy, condescending wackadoodle. But he's also a smart, loyal, caring friend who is in love with you…" she grins, "We video chat almost every day and he asks about you all the time… So if you think it will be worth it…"

She can finally have a chance at this, the passion the makes her feel alive, the first thought that appears in her mind when she wakes up every day, the hope that fills her heart whenever she thinks of it. On the other hand, her world will be shattered, Howard will be angry and miserable, her friends and family will be confused and horrified. Will it be worth it?

**_XXX_**

Two months later, she drinks her coffee at the Geneva International Airport, glancing at her watch anxiously. Suddenly, a too familiar voice whispers into her ear, "Bonsoir, Madame."

She turns around quickly, gasping at the tall man in front of her. He's wearing a black trench coat and holds a bouquet of red flowers. "Tulips are your favorite, am I correct?"

Her answer is a desperate kiss on his mouth, leaving both breathless and slightly embarrassed when an older man tells them to "get a room" in French. She stays with her arms around his neck, pouting at him, "What took you so long?"

He smiles, pressing their foreheads together, "What took _you_ so long?"

They kiss again, more chastely this time and she holds him close, breathing in his clean scent. Yes, it will be definitely worth it.


End file.
